I think my vagina is haunted
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
