Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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