I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
