ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
