Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
