So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
