Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
did i walk over a car last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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