if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
