I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
