I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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