Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
