the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
