I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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