He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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