It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
My life is pants optional.
I love you.
Bad choice
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