Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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