you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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