You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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