dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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