Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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