How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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