theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
