okay pat passed out under dana's car
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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