you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
