dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
