Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
