I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
