I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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