I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
