no, he came in my armpit
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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