I think my fart just growled at me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
worst night to have a conscience
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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