Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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