Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I didn't shave. On purpose
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
