So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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