is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
