is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
