I wish my penis had an off switch
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I deserve this hangover.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
