Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
she looked like the before picture.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize
