I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
