Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
