So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
