Porn is love you can see.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
