you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
