oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
