It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
