just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
