So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
