i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
