whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
