Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
