remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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