Duck Duck Cougar?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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