You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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