oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
